Sensitivity to criticism
I do not know this lady in the picture above. But I believe we’ll get along well because we probably think alike. I say that because looking at her gesture, I think we share our fondness for lady’s finger (okra). I love okra fries.
I think the woman is probably invalid and through the gesture, she is imploring her husband to go the market and buy the vegetable, ensuring that none of them are smaller than her middle finger. Right?
Maybe no.
I’m sure the protectors and guardians of obscene gestures are going to look down upon me with utmost disdain and derision for having misinterpreted the woman’s indication of intent.
According to them, even an infant can understand that the lady in question is not at all referring to anything edible; she is probably showing her long finger to her loathsome, hateful, obnoxious and abusive boss.
So, Guardian Angels, please attribute this daft interpretation of the term to my naïveté and pardon me. If you read what follows in subsequent paragraphs, I promise you’ll see that I am looking at the upright gesture in a slightly different way.
Many of us must have used this gesture several times. The sign is used mostly to exhibit emotions such as resentment, anger, antagonism, bitterness, hatred, disgust and irritability.
But I haven’t chosen this gesture on Write Choice to discuss any of these emotions: I’ll use it here to illustrate what I call “I-don’t-give-a-damn attitude”.
Dealing with non-constructive criticism
For many people, the term, I-give-it-a-damn, borders “defiance, disobedience, insolence and insubordination”. But minus all the negativity implied in the four words within quotes, does the term become insignificant?
In my opinion, it does not. What remains of the term, after we carefully sieve out all the negativity, is the subject of discussion here.
Let me explain:
We’re not talking here about people who are defiant, disobedient, insolent and insubordinate.
We’re referring to people who use the term to brush aside non-constructive criticism and laugh off mindless remarks tossed at them — wittingly or unwittingly. We’re talking about the attitude that protects the ego from being bruised by stray statements or opinions.
The point is that if we don’t disregard and discount all disapproval and disparagement, we’ll impair our productivity and surely deteriorate our efficiency.
For example, many students desist from asking questions in the classroom because they dread being snubbed by the teacher and thereafter “becoming a butt of joke” among classmates.
But the fact is that they become a “butt of a joke” only in their imagination. Psychologists trace the root of such fears among children to mortifying incidents in the past, which caused inhibitions or engendered shyness.
Replaying negative comments in mind
Not just children, even adults are plagued by similar fears. Meet Ms Sandhya. She’s one of them.
Sandhya is an accomplished worker. But when her colleague, Amit, make any “negative” remark on her work, style of functioning, behaviour or her dress for that matter, she loses sleep and becomes resentful towards him.
When she goes home, she replays Amit’s words over and over again in her mind, takes all the criticism personally, produces plenty of rancour and plans to “give it back” to him.
In the next few weeks, she might even “give it back to him”, but it’s unlikely that she will cease to experience pain caused by identical problems in the future. Because last week it was Amit, next week it could be Sumit, and the week after that, it may be Sujit.
Wide loop in letter ‘d’
I am not a sage passing value judgements on people or telling them what they should do. But I believe a change in attitude will definitely help Ms Super Sensitive Sandhya.
I ask you: won’t it be a good for her to not lose her sleep and ignore the colleague’s comments?
In other words, will it be bad if she sticks her middle finger (preferably in her mind) and tells herself: I don’t give a damn about what Amit says?
In handwriting analysis, a single stroke or a combination of strokes reflects an individual’s super sensitivity.
But in most cases, the trait is seen primarily in the loops in lower case t’s and d’s. And we can change this self-tormenting attitude by bringing about a few minor changes in handwriting.
If you are super sensitive, using disciplined graphotherapy, take these loops out of the two letters. You’ll feel better.
The exercise will help you understand that it’s a waste of time trying to control what others say; it’s easier to regulate how you choose to take the comments. You’ll also stop getting bothered by non-constructive criticisms.
Disclaimer: One element of handwriting may be analysed at a time, but always look at the entire handwriting sample before arriving at any conclusion.
